Wednesday, February 2, 2011

A Fun Idea...With A Twist!

So I think this is a fun idea. Ready? No, you're not ready. You think I'm going to say something like, "Go to the mall" or "Ride a giant roller coaster" or "Bike across the United States" or something like that. No no. You've got it all wrong. Those aren't good ideas. This, though...THIS is a good idea.

A good idea is to witness something really amazing, like the mayor shooting a mafia drug lord. Something like that, that's totally insane. THEN, be seen by the mayor, and have a "moment" where neither of you says anything, but in his eyes you can tell he's vowing to kill you with his bare hands. Then you can run away and tell the police, who take Mr. Mayor into custody. But his cronies are everywhere. You'll never be safe.

After that, let the police take you into witness protection. The police stage an elaborate hoax, to convince the general public (and the cronies) that you've fallen off a bridge and drown in the river below, except that only your clothes were recovered (darn). Only thing is, the cronies have seen it all before. They know that when a person goes into witness protection, they are publicly killed off as a precaution. They aren't fooled by the police's mediocre attempts at killing you. The only thing your "death" does is plunge your family into a bottomless pit of grief and despair. Way to go, guys.

So you're stuck in a windowless basement somewhere drinking bad coffee and playing video games, ignorant of the fact that those darned cronies are following the thread left by incompetent police officers, while your family is beside themselves, hysterical with grief.

Then one day, you get tired of the same old video games and decide to do what you're not supposed to...get on the computer! Why they left you alone with a computer and working internet access, we'll never know. They're just incompetent.

Anyway, you slide into the chair by the computer, glancing apprehensively over your shoulder. You slide the screen closer towards yourself, so even if your handlers see you at the computer and start freaking out, you could just be like, "Dude, I'm playing solitaire. Relax." and they'd feel all stupid and guilty for grouching at you while you were playing solitaire. They areincompetent, after all.

Then you get on Facebook (under the alias they gave you when you signed up, just in case you broke the rules and got on Facebook) and send secret codes to your family telling them that you're not dead and you can swim anyway, so it's illogical that you would drown from falling in water, and like you'd even be out on bridges at night anyway.

And while you're at the computer, you hear the door open, and you think it's your handlers, so you look up and start to say something about solitaire, but no, it's the cronies. Hundreds of them. Thousands. And you're like, "Oh. Crap. Now what?" So you start doing magic tricks. And you show them trick after trick, and it gets to be sort of fun. But they don't realize that one of the tricks you did was a hypnotizing trick, and now they are all hypnotized.

Instead of making them all leave or throw themselves off a cliff, you realize the potential you possess, now that you have hundreds of thousands of cronies that will do whatever you tell them to do. So what do you do with your newly-aquired power?

Duh! You take over the world! And then you spend the rest of your life sipping drinks out of coconuts with bendy-straws and dropping things from high heights to watch them shatter.

That's my fun idea.

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