Friday, May 30, 2008

I Hate You, Marcus. I Love You, Storms.

So this is going to be a totally amazing post. know why? know why?! cause this is gonna be like....two posts....fused with my magic post-fusing powers, to make one, amazing, incredible, probably boring, dry, not-worth-my-valuable-time post!! Ta-Da! so sit back, get comfy, pull your coffee close and hang on for the ride of your life.

So there I was. as you may remember from my last post, I was eager to see the new Indiana Jones movie. it had been a long day at work, and I was tired and slightly cranky, but my kid brother Josh knows the only known cure to kill any ailment his older sister might attain. "Hey, Jo, wanna go to a movie?"

Blast. the kid was good. he had mastered the skill to a fine art. and even though I knew he was playing me like a fiddle, the magic cure still worked. my step became light and my face, previously void of emotion, was suddenly grinning from ear to ear. nobody can do that like Josh.

Anyways, no sooner had I changed out of my horrid Hy Vee uniform and into something much much more comfortable, then Josh and I were careening down the street in my lovely little car, me singing along to Jim Croce and Josh scrambling to find a different CD. on the short drive to the theater, Josh and I reminisced about all the previous Indiana Jones movies, hyping ourselves for a very promising evening indeed.

Only Fate knew how wrong I was. For all the eight(?) years I've lived here in good old Nebraska, (and what a grand eight years it's been), Douglas Theaters has always been there to provide a bit of fun on weekends (and sometimes not weekends, when I'm feeling especially nerdy) and rip my boredom to shreds at my say-so. but now...there was a new foe on the horizon. a new obstacle to cross. a new hurdle to jump. due to circumstances far, far beyond my arm of influence, Douglas Theaters has sold out to, and transformed into something hardly resembling the good old theater I've grown to love--Marcus Theaters. *duh duh Duhhhhhh*

So, we show up to the theater, intent on movie magic fun. I had already heard from my homies on the street (a.k.a. the old people who come into the grocery store to gossip) that Douglas had sold out to Marcus, so I was already bracing myself for what I would find when I walked through the beloved doors of Edgewood Theater. apparently, though, I didn't brace myself good enough, because as I opened the door of the theater I was quickly washed away in a riptide rush of disappointments.

The first thing that always used to greet me when I went to a movie was the young, semi-conscious college student who took your money and gave you your ticket without blinking or losing the glazed-eye look. they always amused me; put me in a good mood for my movie. sometimes even cut me a deal. but NOW they've got...what? two stuffy old men wearing...tuxedos? what what what??? it was appalling, severely irritating, and slightly hysterical. the tuxedos, or black suites...whatever...make the poor guys look like a mix between a butler and a secret service agent. I scoffed. posers.

Anyways. The stuffy men now name the price (which has skyrocketed), snatch the money, give you your change (if you're lucky) and your ticket. NEXT! no deals here, I'm afraid. oh, and the Douglas Real Deal Card, which has granted me many a free movie over the years and years that I've owned it, is now void. that's right. gone. capooch. capeesh. whatever. I guess Marcus is too good for real deals. the stuffy old man snatched my card, old, bent and faded from years of use and abuse, and threw it in the trash. goodbye, my friend.

Next, Josh and I headed to the snack bar. we weren't really hungry, only thirsty. good thing, too. before, yes, it's true, popcorn was overpriced. very overpriced. I've said goodbye to many Washingtons and Lincolns and Jacksons over the years, as a result of overpriced theater popcorn. but this...this, I felt, was dangerously close to illegal. because popcorn is now in buckets instead of bags (ooh, special), Marcus feels that they need to charge a bit extra. a LOT extra. the smallest size is now the cost of what a large size used to be. good thing I usually don't get popcorn.

"Can I get a large popcorn and a drink, please?"
"Sure. do you want to mortgage your house or sell your soul?"

Moving on with our drinks, Josh and I made our way to our seats. after the lights dimmed, the intro played and, after everything that I had seen changed that evening, I wasn't even surprised that they got rid of the little flying ticket guy and switched to an intro that was supposed to be snazzier, but in all reality was just as lame and boring. now, I never really cared for the little ticket man who flew around telling me to be quiet. but, as I watched the new "Marcus Theater" intro...I couldn't help but feel a little sad. poor Ticket Man. I wondered what he was going to do now.

Anyways, the evening's only redeeming factor was that the movie was very good and I had Josh with me. I don't know why everyone was so upset about the new Indiana Jones movie. I thought it was exceptional. although Harrison Ford was undoubtedly way hotter back in the day of Raiders of the Lost Arc. but he's still good old Indiana.

So that's Marcus Theaters in my biased nutshell. in one fell swoop, Marcus has managed to injure and/or maim all the fun of the movie-going experience. curse you, Marcus. but even though going to the movies is now a little less enjoyable and all but pushes you to the brink of bankruptcy, I suppose it's my civic duty to continue the tradition. after all, what would the world think if all the hard-core movie people stopped going just because of some extra expenses or some old men in tuxedos? do we even want to know the havoc and carnage it would wreak?

Anyways, that was last week. this next part was just tonight. post, prepare to fuse!!

So I was working all afternoon, and in my job, one of the good things about it is that I get to hear all the juicy gossip of the world before anybody else. so I knew pretty early that a massive storm front was going to hit town sometime tonight. how exciting!

After work, I sat in my car and looked in all directions. I was very go driving toward the fast approaching thunderhead. I know a bad decision when I think of one...but simply knowing that it's a bad idea is hardly ever enough to stop me from entertaining it. I knew driving away from home and into the storm was a bad idea. a very bad idea. I could name all the reasons why I knew, but most of them are painfully obvious, so I won't bore you. but the biggest reason--I'm not sure if it was the only one (the rest seemed trivial)--was that I wanted to get into some more comfortable clothing. if I had been in comfy clothes right then...I might have turned my car toward the storm with a whoop and sped off. who knows.

Anyways, I did go home (like a good little girl) and waited for the storm to hit. I had almost convinced myself that the entire thing would go north of us and we wouldn't get a blessed raindrop, when the wind began. it wasn't too impressive at first, but when the windows started to rattle, I knew it was going to get good.

Our house is so funny to watch during big storms. Mom rushes around making popcorn and cuddling in blankets and watching the weather channel, the little girls sit on the couch and cry, begging us to rush to the basement with our most prized possessions, Dad alternates between checking the radar loop on the computer, watching the weather channel with Mom, and shouting instructions of what to do in case of tornadoes over all the commotion. Jim sits there wanting the noise and chaos to stop, I sit there waiting for my chance to escape outside.

My parents are kind of...finicky about us being outside during a storm. they live by the rule that if something can go wrong, it will. I live by the rule that if something can go wrong, that's where the party's at. eventually, there was a breech of surveillance on the front door and I was able to slip out into the blowing wind and rain.

It was amazing. the hurricane-like winds were making the trees bend over at odd angles, and an interesting assortment of odds and ends were blowing down the street like a junk parade. I was very run out into the middle of the street and see if I could stand upright against the wind or get blown over. I was ready. so ready. nothing sounded more fun to me right then. but I knew the minute I took a step off the porch my parents would come running out of the house and drag me back inside like some sort of crazy prison escapee. unfortunately, my parents did an excellent job raising me, instilling inside me a healthy fear of consequences. I knew that running into the street was a very bad idea. I know that if my parents had not been at home, or if I had been some place other than home, I would have tried it. probably would've gotten pummeled by some negligent neighbor's garbage can...but I know I would've tried all the same. blast. woulda been so fun.

Anyways, eventually, when roll-call was taken and I was found absent without leave, a search party was formulated and I was found and forcibly brought inside to stand trial, even though I had obediently remained on the front porch.

Sadly, we did miss most of the storm. although, now that I think about it, it's probably for the best. spending my evening in the basement with two sobbing sisters (they would be sobbing, too, if we'd had to go to the basement, believe me) and utter chaos besides is NOT my idea of a good time. so yeah. save the good storms when I'm here alone or something. yeah, good idea.

So, I'm sorry this post is so long, but really it's two posts FUSED into one! Ta-Da! :D


Hero's Cousin said...

well shoot, all that time i thought you were going to try and connect the two parts of your post - i mean connect them in a way other than putting them in the same post. :) that second part especially was HILARIOUS. our house IS exactly like that during storms. except you forgot the part about Dad going out to the front porch to check on things while the most recent radar loop loads. on the other hand i totally remember how much fun it was to categorize my stuff into something called prized possessions. i can't blame them for doing that, except i didn't cry. and i can't blame mom and dad for scaring us and sending us downstairs so they could have a few golden moments of peace.

oh yeah and when have semiconscious students ever given you a deal on movies??

Johanna said...

Oh yeah!! I can't believe I forgot to put that part about dad in there! ha. and yes, I'm pretty sure you DID cry occasionally with me when we had to huddle in the hallway, or wherever the "safest place" was during a storm. and who wouldn't? mom and dad would be running around like chickens with their heads cut off shouting "DON'T PANIC! DON'T PANIC!" no wonder we cried!

Dude, the college students at the movie theaters were my homies. occasionally they would give me tickets at cheaper prices. funny, hu?

Curtis said...

Storm chasing! You and I and anybody else who's brave enough to hazard the risk!

I agree, Marc is a big bully. Doug was the best. I wonder how that all happened anyway. It was probably a dark and stormy night. Marc, Doug and the rest of the city council-people were playing a hand of black-jack. Marc raised the stakes and Doug looked nervously across the table. He pulled out the keys to the Lincoln and Omaha theaters and reluctantly placed them on the table. And the rest, as they say, is history... *daydreams*

Johanna said...

Yeah, I can see it, too. Marc had a cigar hanging out of the corner of his mouth, a black eye, and bore a surprising resemblance to the bad guy on "popeye". he glanced unhappily at his cards and slowly and sneakily pulled an ace of spades out of his shirt sleeve with a sneer...already plotting the demise of the local movie theaters.

Jenna said...

There is only one theater really worth going to - and that my friend, is the Rivoli in Seward. It's adorable. One screen. but still, it's the same movies. Wonderful chairs. And odds are if you actaully live in seward you'll know at least 10 people there. plus on curtain nights you can have the whole place to your self. An older couple named Jeff and Julie own it. they're like the nicest ever, and try really hard to remember everyone. Not to mention, as far as movies go, it's ridiculously cheep. It's just so lovable, and an all around good experience.

mary jolene said...

i hate marcus theaters to dugless was so much more fun with the little ticker clipping right before the movie but storms are the things that just plane makes me sad because there gloomy and depressing