Monday, November 10, 2008

Green Is A Color, Is A Color, Is A COLOR!

Green. it's okay. I like it just fine, but to me it's just a color. but lately, I've noticed that people are kinda...obsessed with it. it seems like when it comes to everyday stuff, and people too, for that matter, if they're not "green" (whatever that means), you're not supposed to waste your time on it. it kinda reminds me of when you see a person who has toilet paper stuck to their shoe without knowing it, and you kinda snicker a little bit behind their back, that's kinda what it makes me think of when I see a person who insists that they are "green".

Now, I understand about taking care of the planet and recycling and all that, but I guess I'll be the first to admit that I probably take it less seriously than most everybody I know. sorry, but I'm not going to live my life as if the sky will come crashing down if I buy non-organic food, drive a truck, or ask for plastic at the grocery store. but I don't throw trash on the ground, so that should count for something. but when people take it to the extreme and insist that they're saving the world because the Windex they're buying has a green sticker on it, I'm sorry, but I laugh inside. (And I'm not exaggerating...I've talked to people who insist just that, amongst other things).

And I guess now, green doesn't even mean GREEN. it's not a color anymore. it's like...a mindset. a way of life. at work I sell these bags, and they bug me to no end cause they're blue and on the bag they say, "This bag is green". OH it gets me riled, and I don't know why. actually, I DO know why. the stupid bag is blue!! it's not green!!! don't tell me it's green when it's BLUE!!! Okay, side note, funny story. when we first came out with the bags, we only had the blue "green" bags. this lady comes up to me and says, "do you have green bags?" "No," I replied, "we only have blue bags." "No," she says, "I mean GREEN bags! I'm talking about GREEN bags." by now I'm thinking, what kind of moron does this lady take me for? "Yeah, but we only have BLUE bags," I repeat. it was embarrassing when I finally realized what she was talking about. :P

And it bugs me when people proudly state that they are "going green". what the heck does that even mean?? if you asked somebody that question, they'd probably say that it means they are trying to save the earth and stop global warming. "And this green sticker on your Windex is gonna do that, hu?" I just don't get it.

No doubt about it, everybody is having a field day with this "green" phase of ours. I wish I was the owner of some huge manufacturing company. all I'd have to do is put green stickers on all my stuff that says "All natural" and have a commercial that says that our factories are not in land fills, and I'd be laughing all the way to the bank. I even know what my commercial would be.

It would start with a guy walking slowly through a large green field, talking slowly and smiling a lot and using lots of hand gestures. and he'd say something like, "Here at Homie Jo Inc. we pride ourselves in our love of nature and our dedication to helping the environment. in fact, our factory is located in a lush forest, so the employees can be one with nature. if they need to get a drink, they just go down to the stream and drink deeply of the sweetest and purest water that Mother Nature can produce. every afternoon the woodland creatures--deer and bears and rabbits and blue herons and jackalopes--will come out of the woods, and the employees will come out of the factory, and they'll all stand in a circle and sing songs together. truly, here at Homie Jo Inc. we are undoubtedly one with nature. so you should totally buy our stuff." Pure genius. I'd never have to work another day in my life. people would be flocking to my stores by the thousands.

I've always known that I'm an easy-going, laid back kinda person. maybe too much, sometimes. I don't get flustered easily. I don't sweat the small stuff. sometimes, I don't even sweat the big stuff (which is not good). so I think that's why I'm like, the only person on the planet not having panic attacks about this whole global warming thing. I guess I figure, Mother Nature has taken care of herself for a long, long time. humans come, humans go, over and over again. I dunno, but if I was her, I'd be kinda insulted that they think they know more than I do about survival. good grief.

And think about this. if worse comes to worse, what's gonna happen? we don't get winter anymore? that's what everybody is always crying about anyway!! sure, I'd be upset, cause I like winter, but I think I'm the only one in the galaxy who does. all the people I know are already grumbling about the cold and winter just started! wouldn't you guys WANT global warming if you hate the cold so much??? for goodness sake, let's see come consistency.

Anyways. I guess those are my thoughts on the issue. I'm not a green person. I'm a pasty white person. and just in case I didn't make it clear, I don't think using cloth bags at the grocery store is bad, I don't think recycling is bad, I don't think caring about the earth is's when people go off the deep end with that whole idea that I think is strange...and so, so funny.

"Baby It's Cold Outside." --Dean Martin. I love this song, it makes me laugh! and burr, it IS cold outside!!


Tori said...

I so agree with you Jo! You should try living in Seattle....EVERYTHING IS GREEN! And all our recycling buckets are BLUE! :) Miss ya!

KC said...

I just want you to know that I have started reading your blog & you are such a great writer!! I look forward to more posts!!!