Saturday, February 14, 2009

The Game's Afoot!

I'm not sure when it started, but somewhere on the long road of my lifetime, people stopped telling me things. come to think of it, maybe they never told me things to begin with. I'm not sure. all I really know is NOW, I never hear news, I never get my mail, I never know where people are, and, I guess as a general rule, I'm always kept in the dark about everything. that's just the way it is.

Things I generally never know until right before they happen:
1) "Oh, by the way, I need you to bring Rachel and Josh to New Jersey for a basketball tournament in half an hour. you're okay with that, right?"
2) "Hey, where's Dad?"
"South Korea."
"WHAT!" (sadly, yes, this actually happened, word for word).
3) "Johanna, do something about your mail, it's been piling up for weeks now." WHAT MAIL???

Why do they do it? I haven't the foggiest. they must have their reasons, but the reasons had better be pretty darn amazing because I go to a lot of trouble to find things out that nobody will tell me.

I do try to know things, though. I ask questions, I look for my mail, I try to know what's going on. it doesn't do a whole lot of good. my family always manages to throw me curve balls periodically day after day. they know how to evade questions like pros (or worse yet, answer a question WITH a question! rawr!).

So what do I do? this.
1) As often as possible, linger outside closed doors and listen for information that I won't be told later.
2) Offer to get the mail, or even better, just get it without telling anybody, thus not giving them any chance whatsoever to get there before me with the intention of hiding my mail.
3) Be nosy, asking direct questions and demanding nothing less than direct answers.
4) Eavesdrop on phone calls and general, everyday conversations.
5) Be evasive and mysterious to everybody else. let's see how YOU like it!
6) Lay on the floor with my ear to the vent.
7) Don't believe it when people say, "I don't know."

I think I could easily get a job as an investigative journalist. I already have an impressive resume. in fact (I just thought of this, just now), to decide whether or not they want to hire people, the newspaper could just stick a prospective employee in my house for a week. if they come out and know anything about anything that's going on in the world, they get the job.

So yeah. a day in the life.

"Fin" --Anberlin. man, if there's a song in the whole world that can depress a person, it's this one. I would just not listen to it, but it's so pretty!


natalie said...

what?? there's a basketball tournament in new jersey?? no one ever told me that... :)

Johanna said...

New Jersey, McPherson, same difference. ;)

jnet said...

it happens when you have several in your think you've told someone something and you either tell the same person several times or you never tell one person because you already said it to some many others. it's a sad but real thing jo! wait til the dog knows more than you!!!!!

Tori said...

Jo - You need to post again! I want to hear some job adventures. Driving adventures (have you gotten lost lately?)...Life adventures! Miss you! - Tori