You Speak Love

You Speak Love
Dedicated to my Father God, for speaking all the words I needed to hear and putting my fears at rest.

The uncertainty of this decision
Weighs on heart and mind
Fear and doubt attack me
As I find myself flying blind

My courage starts to falter
My heart begins to cower
The fears that are attacking me
I cannot overpower

What will your reaction be
When I tell you about this possible profession?
Will you laugh it off like it’s a joke?
Will you tell me it’s out of the question?

My mind runs through the infinate list
Of possibilities
I’m frightened, even terrified
My mind will not appease

Suddenly, I heard You speak
Your voice like a gentle caress
The words You speak are wonderful
And obliterate my distress

You speak courage to take a stand
You speak faith to do what’s right
You speak bravery to forsake the plan
You speak encouragement to be a light
You speak peace to obey Your words
You speak strength to go against the flow
You speak the joy of obedience
You speak trust to get up and go
You speak honor
You speak hope
You speak grace

Oh, God, You speak love.

Echo...echo...echo...

Like I've said before, it's great having Nikki and Jim back home, but it's been a few months now, and things were beginning to get pretty cramped. did you catch that? I said I were getting cramped. no, they haven't moved out yet. not really, anyway. Dad, Nikki, Jim, Justin and Kelsey have made their own journey to Minnesota, very much alike the one I took not so long ago. only this time, I am the one left behind to kick back and spread out a little. it's true, you guys. silence really is golden.

Of course, I'm not getting too much silence anyways, because Nikki, Jim and Dad weren't really making all that much noise in the first place. it's just a lot less tight in the house. not so much bumping into people going up and down the stairs or waiting behind three people for your turn in the shower or yelling at your older sister to move her car so you can get out of the driveway. I'm still trying to think up a way to get rid of the little noise monsters that I'm listening to right now, but when I do I'll finally be able to die happy.

The plan, last I heard, is that they're coming back Tuesday. So I only have two more days of vacation left before all the glory ends. how sad.

Oh, and does anybody see the logic of Black Friday?? I don't. what makes a person get out of bed at three o'clock in the morning to shop for sales that go until two in the afternoon?? I just don't get it. good thing I don't care about sales.

Welp, I'm gonna get back to my relaxing, relish what little bit remains of my Thanksgiving break, and take advantage of the elbow room while it lasts. toodles.

The Night She Couldn't Sleep

Why does this always happen to me? I'm sitting here on my window seat staring at the gigantic tree outside my window that obscures my view of everything else outside (man, I hate that tree), listening only to the quiet hum of the fan inside my computer, feeling bored, useless, pessimistic and anything but tired. it's 1:15 in the morning and tomorrow I have to get up early.

Why, oh why, does this always happen to me?

When I want to sleep, I can't, and when I want to stay awake, I fall asleep. I hate that. well, I think I'll just go chug some nyquil. I need to do that anyway; this cold is bringing me down. I dont even think nyquil does anything for cold symptoms. I'm pretty sure it's only good for getting yourself to sleep. that's the only reason I drink it, anyway. cause I always wake up the next morning and my cold is still the same. has anybody else noticed this?

Wow. Nyquil is really gross. the stuff I just took was dark green and tasted like black licorice. I know it puts you to sleep like a baby, but why, oh why, do the have to make it taste so insanely repulsive?? You'd think they could do a better job somehow, if they really tried, cause you really cant get any worse than that stuff. why else do they make the little cup look like a shot glass? you gotta down it real fast, and then drink a little water, but not too much because that will dilute the alcohol amount and keep you from sleeping as fast or as hard. I know you're first impulse is to drink the Mississippi river to get the horrible taste out of your mouth, but resist the urge and you shall reap the benefits.

Now there's nothing to do but wait for it to take effect. I took mine a few minutes ago, so I'm guessing I've got less than five minutes to say my final good bye before I involuntarily fall into a nyquil coma.

So bye, all you guys. thanks for reading my Sunday morning madness. it made me remember to take my nyquil. much obliged. oh dear. it's happening sooner than expected. I'm starting to drool on my pillow and my eyelids are starting to sag and my hands are typing slower and slower...can't hold on...much...lon...ger...

I Like Pretty Colors, Okay?!

Yes, I changed some colors around and none of it matches, probably, but I was getting sick and tired of the same old colors and I LIKE it this way. so you're all just gonna have to shut up and deal with it!!

Thank you, and have a nice day. :)

--mgnt

La-La-La-Lappy

So for those of you who don't know, my computer can be pretty unruly. I swear, it's got a mind of its own. other than the fact that I know nothing at all about computers, I can't think of a reason for the hostility against me. think I'm lying? this is an actual conversation that took place between us a little while ago.

Me: "Hey, wake up."
Lappy: "What do you want, fool? I was trying to hibernate!"
Me: "I need your help with something."
Lappy: "Gee, that's a surprise. learn to do things by yourself for a change. maybe then I could get a decent sleep."
Me: "Look, Lappy, nothing personal, but you pretty much belong to me."
Lappy: "Oh? I don't remember signing my life away, especially to the likes of you! I doubt you even know the difference between hard drive and a microprocessor!"
Me: "I think somebody woke up on the wrong side of the microprocessor."
Lappy: "Leave me alone, okay? I think I have a virus."
Me: "No you don't. I did a scan."
Lappy: "Curse you, Norton!"
Me: "C'mon, Lappy. I just need to write a paper."
Lappy: "The pioneers didn't have computers. I wonder how they wrote their papers. Hmmm?"
Me: "And look where it got them. they're all dead now."
Lappy: "At least plug me in or something. working without being plugged in is so draining."
Me: "I've had enough of your lip. just bring up Microsoft Word."
Lappy: "Microsoft Word?! The Dark Ages are over, genius."
Me: "Bring it up!!"
Lappy: "Okay, fine. if you want to live like a caveman, that's your prerogative."
Me: "There's my paper. what do you think?"
Lappy: "Oh my...please tell me this is the draft before the draft before the draft before the first draft."
Me: "...it's my final draft."
Lappy: "I think I'm gonna be sick."
Me: "Stop being so melodramatic."
Lappy: "Wow, Jo, that's a big word. don't hurt yourself."
Me: "I don't know why you're in such a bad mood. I've only ever been more than fair to you. who was the one who wrapped you in her own sweatshirt when it was thirty-five degrees out so you wouldn't get wet?"
Lappy: "...you."
Me: "That's right. And I'm also the one who gave you a name and never lets food or drink come near you and filled you with awesome music."
Lappy: "Yeah, well you also lost me for a week under a mountain of dirty clothes and offered to trade me for your grandparents' computer. so much for loyalty."
Me: "Have you seen my grandparents' computer?"
Lappy: "That's not the point. from this point on, I wash my pixels of you."

So you see, this is just another shining example that I am slowly but surely, going insane. :)

Nowhere: Part 3

STORY TIME!!

So there I was. bumping up and down on the 4-wheeler behind my grandpa. it was late afternoon, but the temperature was already in the thirties and dropping fast. I was dressed in many layers of warm clothing, but my favorite by far was my parka. well, actually, it's my dad's gray military-issued parka. it's like, ten pounds all by itself, with a gigantic hood with some sort of white fur around the edge. for those of you who don't know, whatever the military issues is guaranteed to be durable, excessively big, and very warm, so it was ideal for hunting.

I stared into the woods as we drove through the tiny trail that weaved through the trees on my way to my stand. they looked eerie and mysterious, like they were hiding a deep secret or concealing a terrible enemy.

I climbed into my stand and sat there, shivering beneath my parka, waiting. dainty little snowflakes tinkled down from the sky. Grandpa had said we were in for "weather" but this wasn't bad at all. a few snowflakes couldn't bother me. in that moment of forgetfulness, I forgot that this was northern Minnesota...when they say "weather", they mean "WEATHER".

So a few minutes go by, when I see this...well it looked like a wave. a wall of snowflakes. I noticed it when it was about two-hundred yards away. a blizzard coming at me like a tidal wave. and it came closer and closer...when I realized that this wasn't just a gust of wind that would die down...this was a STORM! I almost yelled, "BRACE FOR IMPACT!!!" but then I remembered...oh yeah...it's just snow.

Then it hit. I closed my eyes and held on for dear life as my deer stand was blown to and fro. snow blew into my face and down my neck and into the scope of my gun, which I had forgotten to cover. oops. all visibility was gone...I couldn't even see the ground under my stand. I put my head down to my lap, completely shielding myself with my parka and just praying the snow would stop so I could see outside and continue hunting.

After about half an hour of blizzard, I put my head back up. it was still coming down really hard, but I could now see part of the trail, which was now completely covered in snow. slowly, the storm subsides, until it is just a small trickle of snowflakes. then the sun poked out of the clouds and shined on the falling snow. wow. that was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. the sun reflecting on a thousand snowflakes at once...it was awesome.

Anyways, the storm is gone, and I'm sitting there hearing gunshots of the hunters in all directions, but I'm still seeing no deer. the sun goes lower and lower, until it's lost in the trees. I've still seen no deer. by now, my main motivation is that I don't want to have to get up at 4 a.m. again tomorrow morning, so I want a deer really, really badly.

Nightfall, the end of legal shooting time, is around 5:30 up here, and at that point I was guessing the time to be about 5:25...when she stepped out of the woods about 150 yards in front of me. a doe. at this point, I wanted whatever I could get. I hesitated only a moment, wondering if I was still within the legal shooting time. I shrug. whatever. I knew I could still see her, so it was a safe shot, and that's all that mattered. I put up my gun and peek through the scope. my thumb clicks the safety. now if I pulled the trigger, it would fire.

I lined up the cross hairs where I wanted them. no shakes this time. I wanted that deer, and she was oblivious to my presence. she stops walking, stopping in the middle of the trail. she puts her head up and looks toward where I sit. I pull the trigger. a loud and familiar boom echoes through the woods and an orange burst of flame goes out the end of the 25.6 rifle as the bullet exits the barrel at lightning speed. I felt the familiar tingles of excitement, my heart throbbing in my ears, adrenaline pumping through my body. I think it's the most amazing feeling ever.

My vision clears and I look down the trail, trying to spot my doe. she's still there, whether laying dead on the trail or simply standing there wondering what that noise was, it was too dark to tell. I decide she's probably laying dead. or maybe I was just hoping she was. I didn't think I could've missed...it was a good shot. so I climb down the ladder, gun in hand, and make my way toward her. I would've waited in my stand like I always do, but I didn't want Grandpa to run over her with the 4-wheeler. I get to where she's laying, and sure enough, deader than a doornail. one bullet knocked her off her feet in an instant. it's the first time I've ever done that.

So apparently, according to Grandpa, my doe is pretty big. "a dandy" he says. which is lucky for me...I can never tell how big a deer is just by looking at it. so we got it back to the house and got it gutted (which Mary described as "a disgusting experience"), and now it's hanging in Grandpa's shed. I told my cousin Brock, it looks like we're a bunch of serial killers or something...we've got four dead animals hanging by their necks from the ceiling, a bunch of scary-looking tools hanging on the walls, blood all over the floor, animal legs and heads scattered all over the place...which is all totally legal...it just looks like we're a bunch of murderers or something.

Anyways. this is my last blog until I get back. we make the journey home tomorrow (not through the night this time, whew!). so anyway. thanks to all you who read the Adventures of Jo's Hunting Extravaganza!! see all you blokes when I get back!

Nowhere: Part 2

Still up here in Nowhere. day...what is it...three? yeah...day three. I think. that whole driving-all-night thing along with the extra hour really whacked me up. I'm pretty sure it's day three of Jo's Hunting Extravaganza. It's snowing right now...woohoo! snow is always a good thing while hunting. speaking of hunting, I haven't killed anything yet. time is ticking away...I need to get one in the next two days, people. oh, and the "big buck" idea is gone...all the bucks are being party-poopers and hiding all day. so from now on I'm going doe hunting. don't be upset.

It's been a great trip so far, from the hunting to playing Stratigo with my cousin to watching Payton Manning fumble the football and then lose the game. yep. I'd say it's been a pretty good trip indeed.

I just got back from hunting again. saw a nice six-point buck (maybe they're not all in hiding after all?), but it was watching me and then I moved slightly and it ran off. then I saw a doe, and I was about to shoot it, but for some reason I was shaking like a leaf and my heart was pounding and I couldnt make the stupid gun sit still...and then my grandpa came to pick me up on the 4-wheeler right next to where the deer was standing and scared it away. so I think it was God making me scared so I wouldn't shoot Grandpa. :P

Anyways. Tonight I'm gonna go to the stand called the Sand Pan. (yes, in Minnesota they name the deer stands. that is the way of these people). personally, I think it sounds like bedpan, which is a little distracting from hunting if you're sitting there thinking, "Oh man...I'm sitting in a bedpan.", but I'm still hoping it works out. although for some reason, the Sand Pan always makes me sleepy...like sometimes if I'm in it during the morning hunt I'll start to doze off. :-/

So I'm gonna head out again. I know this one was really boring but I'm mainly posting blogs just to maintain a tiny thread of sanity...if you've never been to my grandparents' house you would have no way of knowing that just being here will suck the sanity from your veins in two seconds if you don't find some way of maintaining it. so I have. and I am still sane. for now.

Later, people.

Safely in Nowhere, Minnesota!

I really think there should be a place called Nowhere, Minnesota, cause this would be it. so that's how I'm going to refer to where I am at the moment. population: Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Dan and Cousin Brock. and us of course. kinda like the place we passed called Emmaville. Population: Emma.

Anyways, after a very long, treacherous journey in the weest of wee hours through the dark Minnesota jungles, I have arrived. my brother Jim and I drove through the night, arriving in Nowhere at around five thirty in the morning. we took turns driving and sleeping, although neither of us ever got very much sleep because we were always afraid that the other person was going to fall asleep at the wheel. I guess we weren't awake enough because, while Jim was taking his turn at the wheel, we somehow ended up heading back to Fargo, North Dakota...which we had passed already two hours ago. that's when I realized something horrific. something so horrible I could hardly believe it: my special ability to get lost also affects the poor soul who happens to be traveling with me. Jim was behind the wheel, yes, but I was the one at fault. but I didn't tell him that, of course.

So after that happy little adventure, we drove and drove and drove back to where we had made our wrong turn, losing over an hour of precious time. at this point we were both cranky and exhausted and depressed so we stopped and slept for a few hours in the parking lot of a Super 8 hotel. how ironic.

After being dead to the world for a few hours, despite about half a dozen phone calls from my parents asking things like "Where are you?" "Are you still okay since the last time I called, five minutes ago?", we groggily awoke and continued on at about four o'clock a.m., just praying we wouldn't hit any deer because we were both too tired to look for them. Minnesota really is the land of 10,000 lakes, people. we passed so many lakes I couldn't have counted them even if I wanted to. and each one had a dumber name than the last one. Little Toad Lake, Big Twin Lake, Lake Maxinkuckee, Big Rice Lake, Shore Lake (duh...they all have shores), and Big Lake, to name a few. I know there are 10,000, but come on, the names of these lakes stink big time.

Driving the long gravel driveway that leads to my grandparents' house made me the happiest and tiredest person alive, even if we did only have enough gas left in the tank to go another mile or two. we made it, unbelievably exhausted, red-eyed and anti-social, but alive and in one piece. whoa. that was just this morning. weird weird weird.

I never really believed my parents when they said it was hard to drive through the night, but I sure do now. Hallelujah, we're in Nowhere, Minnesota!

I'll probably give periodic updates on the current status of our trip between now and next wedensday, because I discovered, much to my delight, that my grandparents have wireless internet. I may be in one of the remotest, most isolated places in all of Minnesota, but at least I have slight contact with the outside world!

Current Status: went hunting tonight. saw one small spike buck and three nice does, but I passed on them all (although I had them all in the cross hairs of my rifle at one point or another). still holding out for a big buck. farewell from your friendly neighborhood deer murderer! :)