Beauty Can't Be Ordinary

So there I was. driving home from somewhere...I forget where exactly. it was somewhere around five o'clock, just when the sun is going down. I was in a long line of cars driving home after a long workday. traffic was moving at a pace that would make even a granny go mad, and I wasn't in the best of moods. Just then, I turn to look out the passenger side window...and my jaw literally dropped at the sight.

A large fluffy cloud sat lightly on the horizon, the sky behind it was bright pink and large, brilliant sunbeams cascaded out of the cloud, going every different direction. it was positively dazzling. I had to force my eyes to return to the road where they belonged, but it was hard to do. I stared at the cars in front of me, all the heads I could see where facing dutifully toward the road, oblivious to the amazing show happening right outside their window.

I couldn't take it. it actually almost made me mad. I started pointing at the sunset and shouting, "Do you SEE it, people?? DO YOU SEE IT??!" they couldn't hear me, of course. not that I had expected them to. I was just so upset. they were driving it gray cars, on a gray road, through a gray city, living gray little lives. you'd think they'd maybe notice the glorious sunset! maybe they'd wait for it every night, anticipating a splash of color in their gray existence. not that I had a lot of room to talk. though I do go out of my way to appreciate beauty, if I hadn't happened to look out my window, I wouldn't have seen the spectacular sight that God was making right in front of me.

It really bothers me when people don't appreciate beauty. it doesn't really bug me if they don't notice it right away. I mean really...who notices ALL the beauty ALL the time? but if they see it, but don't care about it...that gets on every nerve in my body. like the other night, I was driving a friend home after a fun evening, and I notice the moon. it's just an itty-bitty sliver of a thing, but you can see the whole outline clearly, and the light reflected off the moon shone on the clouds around it, like a little halo. it was absolutely gorgeous. I quickly pointed it out to my friend, who gave it a quick glance and then continued to babble about something or other. I was ticked. on the inside. I hardly ever get visibly upset. I keep everything bottled up inside. I'll probably explode someday. :)

Maybe I shouldn't get that way. but I just can't help it! I'm continually captivated by beauty...and I guess I just want everybody else to be, too. but if sunsets only happened once every ten years, you bet we'd be captivated. if it only snowed once every ten years, you bet even old crusty politicians would be running outside to catch snowflakes on their tongues. if the moon only showed itself every ten years, you bet we'd stay up all night admiring it. on and on it goes. beauty is ordinary. we see it so often, we don't even know it's there. HOW HORRIBLE! that's just so wrong. we don't care about beauty because we have too much of it. "Excuse me, God? could you turn down the beauty a little bit? we're kind of getting swamped down here. great, thanks. You're awesome." but he still creates. he still creates a masterpiece every single night, even though the ones he's creating it for find it ordinary and routine. that's love right there, folks.

Anyways...that's all. I just wanted to shake everybody a little bit and remind them to take a moment today to admire God's beauty and thank him for it. after all...it's there for our enjoyment. :)

The Most Incredible Phenomenon In The Entire World

So I'm now getting back to my "normal" style of writing because of something funny that happened the other day at work. so, first off, I must explain. there are these huge balloons in Hy Vee where I work, for Valentine's Day. they're seriously huge; like the size of a...a...really really big balloon. anyway, they have these little signs on them saying "poke me". when I first saw that I was like, "pfft. poke the balloon? what a joke." but then I started to wonder what would happen if I poked the balloon. would it explode and rain candy like a pinata? would a Genie appear? Would we have world peace?

But I've never done well with curiosity. I held off for as long as I could, but finally I had had enough. I had to know. and I had to know now. so I pull the string down and poke the balloon.

What ensued was the most fantastic, amazing, stimulating, incredible thing that's ever happened to me in my life: the balloon started to sing. my jaw dropped and my heart seemed to stop and my brain turned to soup. my eyes glazed over as the balloon continued to sing "You're Still The One".

You are still the one that makes me shout
Still the one that I dream about
We're still having fun, and you're still the one

When it stopped singing, I was still overcome with awe. I think just the fact that it sings when you poke it was the most incredible thing to me. my coworkers were a little less awed than I was. apparently, they all knew about the singing balloons and didn't find them especially exciting. in fact, most just found them downright annoying.

Are you kidding me??? they SING, people!! they SING when you POKE them!! I was excited. not even the fact that none of the other Hy Vee employees were excited about the singing balloons could dampen my fun.

But apparently, I've poked them too many times lately, because my coworkers always give me these nasty glances every time I stray too close to any of the singing balloons. so the other day, I made up my mind that I would get back into the good graces of my coworkers and not poke the balloons even once. it was going to be tough, but I was determined to stick it out. (at least for one day. :D)

So most of the day goes by fairly fast and uneventfully, until there's a lull in my line and my gaze falls on the balloon. I could feel my eyes getting wide and my mouth starting to drool. it was hypnotizing, that balloon was. and suddenly, I couldn't help myself. I walked over to the balloon, pulled the string down, and poised my finger over the shiny colorful surface.

All of a sudden, time stopped. really, I swear it did. about five of my coworkers were looking my way when it happened, and each had a hilarious (and dangerous) expression on their face. the girl manning the Express Lane looked mortified, her eyes were as big as dinner plates, and I knew the very last thing in the world that she wanted to hear was "You're still the one" coming from the balloon. the girl to my right had much the same expression on her face, but I also clearly read in her eyes some pretty severe ultimatums. My manager walking by screeched to a halt and gave a little shake of his head, begging me, pleading with me, probably on his hands and knees if he'd had time or if he'd thought it would've done any good NOT to poke the balloon. they were all at my mercy, and they knew it.

But none of them understood. the balloons could SING! it was my civic duty to poke the balloon. I owed it to the masses. it would be a sin not to. on top of all that, there was still the simple fact that the balloon would sing if I poked it. how could I not? I poked the balloon. bopping my head back to my register, I knew I would have to endure unspeakable hardship from my coworkers for the rest of the day. I smiled and hummed along. It was soo worth it.

You are still the one that makes me shout
Still the one that I dream about
We're still having fun, and you're still the one!

Peace out.

Late Night Woes

So, I'd better warn you now that this whole blog is going to be kind of rough and sketchy...these thoughts aren't completely formed yet, but I think they're formed enough to write them. oh, and sorry to anybody who came here this time to read that funny nonsense that I write so often because it's all I know how to write. sorry, all of you. this time I'm in a pensive, thoughtful mood which I am in quite often, but never write about, and it's due partly to the late hour and partly to a long internal struggle which has yet to be appeased in my mind. wow. this is already rough and sketchy. told you so.

So for a long time (I'm not sure exactly how long but for at least the past four months or so) I've been completely and totally lost as far as a future career is concerned. I don't know if any of you have ever played Four-Square before, but that's kinda how my life has been lately; bouncing from one square to another, one minute I want to be something with all my heart, the next minute I'm considering something else. it's incredibly frustrating...you have no idea.

I've been praying and reading my Bible like mad for a long time, but I just never hear anything back. one of the most frustrating things, I think, is that I say to God, "I'll do anything you want. anything at all. anything. just please tell me what to do." but He doesn't. I know I'm not supposed to, and I try not to, but sometimes I just can't help but wonder why He doesn't answer me. if I'm willing to do anything or go anywhere, I just want to know what to do, I don't get why He wouldn't tell me. and it's not just that I'm not getting an answer, it's also that I'm not getting any kind of response. that's the hardest thing of all. I pray and read and pray and read but I just always feel like a blind person wandering around all by myself.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately. now, say we have two choices. we can do A or B. if God wants us to do one but not the other, does that mean if we pick the wrong one we'll mess up God's divine plan?? OR does God already know ahead of time what we're going to do and simply plans accordingly? I'm inclined to believe the latter. but if that is true, then why should I even bother worrying about it? by that logic, I should just pick one and it'll be the right one because nobody can mess up God's plan. I'm sure that theory is full of holes, but for the life of me I can't find them.

Anyway...that's where my thoughts are these days. sorry this was such a strange post. it's kind of depressing, now that I think about it. ah, well, I blame it on the hour of night and my brain, which doesn't turn off at night like everybody else's. anyway, if you made it all the way through these ramblings...thanks. and if anybody out there has answers to these questions I wouldn't mind hearing them...

Beauty

*We haven't had a poem for a while, and I know some of you have heard this one already...but I really like it. I wrote this one evening as I saw the sun setting and it was so beautiful and I thought: "Does this happen every night...and I don't even notice it??"*

Running through the busy day
Wrapped in a blanket of stress
Running here and doing that
Complaining that life is a mess

The sun comes up with an encore of color
Lighting up the sky
The flowers open and reach for the sun
For the sake of delight, the birds fly

From one problem to another
Life is getting old
You’re so busy fixing problems
You’re missing the beauty unfold

The blue sky graced by white puffy clouds
The small spider spinning its home
A busy little bee fills its legs with pollen
And heads back to the honeycomb

Unanimously shedding their leaves each year
The trees lapse into sleep
The clouds roll in, the thunder rolls
And the sky begins to weep

When evening replaces the daylight
The sky fades into twilight gray
Some animals are going to sleep
Some are coming out to play

Now it’s nighttime, the day is gone
And there’s something you should know
It’s been a whole day of incessant beauty
And you’ve missed the entire show.

Only 362 days until CHRISTMAS!!!!

So Christmas is over now, I guess. it didn't really feel much like Christmas, I didn't think. probably because every other Christmas of my life I've been in Nowhere Minnesota to celebrate it with my extended family. this year, however, Nikki and I were able (somehow) to beg and scrape and plead with my parents to let us have Christmas at our house instead.

I love being at my grandparents' house, but it's really really not relaxing at all. all ten of us cram into two, two bedroom houses for two weeks with other random family and friends popping in (uninvited, usually) at all hours of the day with all their kids and pets and whatnot...so there's really never a moment of silence or peace anywhere, unless you take the 4-wheeler out for a drive into the woods. the problem with that is if you stay out for more than 20 minutes, either Grandma calls Search and Rescue or you catch pneumonia from prolonged exposure to Minnesota's sub-zero temperatures. so I'm sure you can see why Nikki and I asked/pleaded/begged on our hands and knees to have Christmas at our house.

Anyway. we got our way. it's funny, cause usually if Nikki and I join forces and team up on our parents, we get what we want. the only thing I can think of that we never got was a cat. oh, and a horse. we wanted those and asked and asked and asked but never got 'em. but I'm not bitter. I'm not upset that my dad would never let me have a cat, even though it was my favorite animal ever and I even found a nice cute stray white one that had no home. I'm not angry that he chased it off the property, that he hated it just because it was missing an eye! can you believe that?! the cat is missing an eye and he can't have some compassion on it! you cruel, cruel man!! pfft. really. I'm not bitter. anyways. where was I? right, I remember now. and now Christmas is over and, once again, it doesn't feel like it happened at all. kinda like I slept for three days and just woke up and all I've got are a few sketchy memories of Christmas.

I've also been staying in Nikki's room, since mine has been inhabited by my grandparents who came to spend Christmas with us. I sleep on the floor, which didn't bother me for the first few nights. but as the week wore on it really started to bum me out. but thankfully, Nikki, probably because she doesn't have a job or school, habitually stays up into the early morning hours like I do, so I haven't had to adjust my sleep schedule at all! :D (hence, me writing this at 1 a.m.) It's been really fun, in fact, to be in Nikki's room. we don't really talk all that much beyond the occasional "Hey, do you know what Mom's making for supper tonight?" or "Can you move your car so I can get out of the driveway, please?" or "Hurry up in there!". but since moving my abode into hers, we've had quite a few good times and laughs. it gets a little tense, though, since I'm a naturally messy person and she's a natural neat-freak, but I've been trying to be better while I live in her room (really, Nikki, I am trying! I'm sorry about leaving my clothes on your bed, okay? I'm sorry. so sorry.)

So anyways, I'm bored with this so I'm gonna end it right here. Merry Late Christmas, everyone!

Perfect

Okay, so my car has been in its dark and lonely tomb (or perhaps more commonly known as the garage) for almost a week. because of the ridiculous number of people living at my house nowadays, and the ridiculous number of them who own cars, there are usually about three in the driveway, two on the street, and one in the tomb. so whichever lucky car gets nominated as the least important one and stuffed into the tomb is also the lucky car that can only escape if all the other cars are gone from the driveway or parked far enough back (which rarely happens). it was so sad, not being able to take Snoopy out for a drive or to work or wherever else I needed to go. oh, there was always somebody else's car to use...but it's not the same. cause then you have to fix the steering wheel and the seat and the mirrors and it's just a big pain. oh, and all the radio presets are all messed up and you cant find your favorite radio station.

So anyways. today I had no work and school is over (hallelujah) so I was so excited about doing nothing at all, or at least doing whatever I felt like. and so I decided on going to the mall to finish my Christmas shopping. I look outside and sure enough, my car is still trapped inside the garage. mom says not to worry, just take her car. no, I had had enough. I wanted Snoopy, and I wanted him now. I would not wait another day to free him from his prison. I even went through the pain and toil of moving Nikki's car, a half dozen 2x4s that were stacked behind my car, as well as the snow blower. I never knew snow blowers were so heavy! seriously...it was all I could do to move that thing. but finally, finally, after a week being in the tomb, Snoopy was free and we were tearing down 70th street, having a jolly good time.

So that evening when I came home, I was very tired (I'd been shopping all day...but be proud of me, I got all my shopping done!) and was anxious to get home. and it was like, all of a sudden, everything was perfect. the slight vibrations of the car were perfectly in sync with the rhythm of the music pumping through the speakers. and then (magically, I'm sure of it) this awesome song comes on the radio with just enough guitar and drums (and a piano), sung by some guy I don't know (but he had an awesome voice), and the song was about loving thunder and rain.

It was so neat...I was coasting at like, 50 mph on deserted streets at night listening to an awesome song in an awesome car. it was perfect. I didn't want it to end. I came to the place to turn to go home, and whoops...did I pass it? darn. gotta go the looooong way home. blast. I hate it when that happens. *turns up music*

Let it snow, let it snow...but let's skip the driving part and just sit inside and watch it.

I love snow. I've always loved snow, forever. I will always love snow, forever. snow will always be my favorite thing, forever and ever. BUT (you know there was one coming) I never really respected snow before today. it was just something fun to play in and eat, in my younger years (younger years being the last time it snowed), but I never really said, "Snow, I respect you. you are so cold and beautiful and deliciously dangerous." and I still haven't said it...but I thought it many times today.

So there I was. it was about ten minutes to nine o'clock in the morning and I was frantically grabbing my bookbag, filling up my Broncos travel mug with that fabulous black stuff and running to the front door. I was delighted at the fact that we were getting a heavy dose of snow, and about time, too. I had been ready for snow since march.

My mother, being, of course, a mother, reminded me to put on my coat (yes, my mother still has to tell me to put on my coat, not because I forget, but because I hate coats with a deep and burning passion), to "have fun" at school (poor mom...ignorance is bliss), and gave me a ten minute talk about safely driving in the snow (this would mark the very first time I've ever driven in the snow), which I involuntarily tuned out. so mesmerized was I at the beauty of the falling snow that I actually managed to not hear a single word of what she was telling me.

And so, with a wave of the hand and a yawn and a simple, "Yeah, yeah." to my mother, I left the house and pranced blissfully through the snow (about two inches by now) to my car, Snoopy. it was going to be a fabulous day.

So, Snoopy and I haven't been on the best of terms lately. we've both said some things to each other that we regret, and so our relationship had become rather stressed. "Going to be good today?" I asked him once I sat down in the front seat. funny thing about Snoopy...he'll talk before and after I put it into Drive, but never while I'm driving. weird.
"Like always." he snapped back.
"Stop talking back. you don't even have a brain."
"You don't have an engine."
"Touché." I quickly put the car into drive to make him shut up. nothing can put you down faster than your car getting the better of you in a battle of wits.

Well, to make a very long story not quite as long, I slipped and slided...slid...slidded? well, I did that the whole way to school, and all the way back, just hoping I was actually in a lane, and not in both lanes or driving through some person's backyard. I pretty much just picked a car and followed it, hoping that he was not as much an amateur of snow driving as I. but Snoopy did a very good job of keeping us on the road. thanks, Snoop. you're not so bad after all.

And tonight (my day just keeps getting more and more exciting) as I was driving off to work, I rounded a corner not two blocks from my house, fishtailed big time (seriously, like half-circles) for about half a block, and then somehow ended up in somebody's front yard for real. luckily for me, though, the people did not seem to be home, the number of people gawking at the scene were few, and I had been going almost 20 mph, so the momentum carried me safely back onto the street where I continued on my merry way. after the shock and utter terror faded, I realized that it had been awesome. on my way home from work later tonight I slowed down and pointed at the tracks I had made in the person's yard and let out a merry laugh. what fun. then I got going too fast (again) and started to slid sideways down the street thinking, "Um, yeah, so my steering is gone and my breaks are out, I guess." this continued for half a block until I arrived at my house and finally got the car stopped in a safe location, my nerves all but irreparable. yes, very awesome indeed. not bad for my first time driving in the snow, eh?

I've learned something very, very important today: Snoopy has serious thrill issues.