La-La-La-Lappy

So for those of you who don't know, my computer can be pretty unruly. I swear, it's got a mind of its own. other than the fact that I know nothing at all about computers, I can't think of a reason for the hostility against me. think I'm lying? this is an actual conversation that took place between us a little while ago.

Me: "Hey, wake up."
Lappy: "What do you want, fool? I was trying to hibernate!"
Me: "I need your help with something."
Lappy: "Gee, that's a surprise. learn to do things by yourself for a change. maybe then I could get a decent sleep."
Me: "Look, Lappy, nothing personal, but you pretty much belong to me."
Lappy: "Oh? I don't remember signing my life away, especially to the likes of you! I doubt you even know the difference between hard drive and a microprocessor!"
Me: "I think somebody woke up on the wrong side of the microprocessor."
Lappy: "Leave me alone, okay? I think I have a virus."
Me: "No you don't. I did a scan."
Lappy: "Curse you, Norton!"
Me: "C'mon, Lappy. I just need to write a paper."
Lappy: "The pioneers didn't have computers. I wonder how they wrote their papers. Hmmm?"
Me: "And look where it got them. they're all dead now."
Lappy: "At least plug me in or something. working without being plugged in is so draining."
Me: "I've had enough of your lip. just bring up Microsoft Word."
Lappy: "Microsoft Word?! The Dark Ages are over, genius."
Me: "Bring it up!!"
Lappy: "Okay, fine. if you want to live like a caveman, that's your prerogative."
Me: "There's my paper. what do you think?"
Lappy: "Oh my...please tell me this is the draft before the draft before the draft before the first draft."
Me: "...it's my final draft."
Lappy: "I think I'm gonna be sick."
Me: "Stop being so melodramatic."
Lappy: "Wow, Jo, that's a big word. don't hurt yourself."
Me: "I don't know why you're in such a bad mood. I've only ever been more than fair to you. who was the one who wrapped you in her own sweatshirt when it was thirty-five degrees out so you wouldn't get wet?"
Lappy: "...you."
Me: "That's right. And I'm also the one who gave you a name and never lets food or drink come near you and filled you with awesome music."
Lappy: "Yeah, well you also lost me for a week under a mountain of dirty clothes and offered to trade me for your grandparents' computer. so much for loyalty."
Me: "Have you seen my grandparents' computer?"
Lappy: "That's not the point. from this point on, I wash my pixels of you."

So you see, this is just another shining example that I am slowly but surely, going insane. :)